Indefinitely, For Now

I have been home for almost 3 weeks. Much of this blog has been dedicated to bemoaning my discovery that adult life isn't easy, and that it is especially not easy when you move away from home - from family, friends, the familiar. It's funny how after six months of wishing I could click my heels three times and be in Tulsa, I am now finding myself anxious, jittery, nervous about being back here. For the first time in at least 5 years, I find myself unloading boxes and bags with no intention of packing them up again. Instead of returning to college, or trips abroad, or commuting back to Kansas City, I have no definite plans to move anywhere. It's a strange feeling. I find myself relating to Edward Bloom, larger-than-life, bigger-than-his-small-town, adventurer in the delightful film Big Fish, who said: "The truth is, I'm just not ready to end up anywhere." After all the tears, lonely days, and long-distance phone calls, part of me became accustomed to living away. I could see myself easily settling down in Tulsa. It's a great city, lots of young professionals, job opportunities, low cost of living, plus the nearness of those I love. I'm surrounded by a lot of pro-Tulsa people who are excited about this city and its potential. Ending up here wouldn't be bad at all. But I don't know if I'm ready to end up anywhere yet. There are cities I want to visit and move to, jobs I would like to try out for a little while. Am I ready to stay in one place?