Allowing the Story to Soak In

Water for Elephants.


Began and finished in a day. Feeling accomplished, I wanted to immediately move on to my next book. Start ticking off their numbers one by one. A goal of 50 books this year. An arbitrary number which put me at a pace of about one book per week. But that wasn't really my goal. I don't want to just speed through a booklist. This should be a year of reading well. I make myself put down the next book. Stop. Take a day or two to reflect on what I just read. Don't be too eager, too greedy that I miss out on allowing a story to soak in.

What did I love about Water for Elephants? Jacob. I loved Jacob. Yes, he is the narrator of the story, but it was more than just because I see this world through his eyes. It was like his fears were my fears at times. To be old and left alone. With only memories. Family moving on without you. Being left in a nursing home - above all else I fear that. That is not the end to a good life. That is not the end I want. Strange to think of such things at the age of twenty-three, but I do. Perhaps it was our visit to a nursing home while filming. The cold hallways. The group "exercises." The lonely men and women lined up in their wheel chairs, who I know are someone's parents or grandparents or uncle or something. This is not the end I want. 


Even in Jacob's youth, his struggles with faith, with his feelings for the married Marlena. Doing what is right can be difficult when your heart betrays your logic. That is a lesson I have been learning over again this year. His desire to stay, but choosing to leave. The moments he chooses to stay. That tug of war with which I am all too familiar. What I don't understand is why he chooses Marlena? Her character seems so shallow to me. Other than her beauty and fragility, what does she have that enraptures Jacob so? Perhaps it's because he wants to rescue her, to be her savior. Again, a feeling I know all to well. In some ways I feel Rosie, the elephant, is a more complex character than Marlena. I feel that her love and understanding of Jacob is so much deeper and more real. They need each other, Jacob and Rosie, they look out for each other. Maybe I find Marlena shallow and irritating now that I've finished the book because I see my own Marlenas, the people I want to rescue. Jacob, I feel, deserves better. Then why is it so hard to say that I deserve better?