Living in Limbo

For years I understood Limbo only as that obnoxious party game in which you must unnaturally bend your spine completely in half to walk under a stick that works its way closer and closer to the ground as a group of people chant your name, hoping that your spine will snap and you will drop to the floor whereby losing the game. Not ever really my idea of fun. Then I learned of the metaphysical Limbo, the place which is not here neither is it there. And it is in the place that I live now. Working on an independent film, I feel like I'm in Limbo a lot. I'm in between assignments or in the middle of a task, but not really sure what's going on. One of my coworkers made the comment one day that I looked lost, and to be honest he's right. I really think that any time you start a job in a totally new field, being a little directionally challenged is to be expected. I am starting to get a handle on some things though. For example, I am in charge of maintaining shot lists. These diagram and list in detail the lighting, blocking, and camera angles for a given scene. But I also find myself location scouting, collecting props, making breakfast, turning off buses, among other random things during the course of a day. It's a constant state of "do this, no do that." Not to mention that I've been struck the last few days by the reality of this being a Terminal job, quite literally. This will be over in about three months, so although I would like to think that Kansas City is becoming like home, I may be packing my bags once again and moving onto the next great adventure in a new place. I am also in Limbo in terms of what I want to do with my life. I was hoping that this job would be a clear, resounding bell indicating that this is the direction my life is supposed to go. Ironically, the connections I have been making lately appear to be steering me back towards the world of advertising and public relations. So I'm back to being neither here nor there. Not quite sure of anything. Stuck in a place that at once feels homey and permanent yet at the same time feels temporary and fleeting. It's a strange place, but I may as well roll out my mat, make the bed, and settle in, for I feel that I may be here a while yet.